How to Make a Sandwich

In honour of International Women's Week, here's a step by step guide on how to make the perfect sandwich. Women can skip ahead because sandwich making is a skill they are all naturally born with.

Step One:
Gather Ingredients.
You will need: Bread, Ham, Cheese, Lettuce, Mayonnaise, Tomatoes, Mustard, and Butter. However, these are only suggestions. Sandwiches are like socks because you mix and match them and easily change it up.

Step 2:
Butter.
Slather on a generous amount of butter on two slices of bread. The more butter the better. Paula Deen would approve.

Step 3:
Condiments.
Spread the mayonnaise and mustard on either or both slices of bread.
Did you know in a recent poll of American teens, only 40% liked mustard in their sandwiches? It's a shame American teens are so accustomed to the garbage served in fast food joints that their palettes are unable to appreciate different flavours.

Step 4:
Preparing the Fixings.
Chop the lettuce and tomatoes with a sharp knife. Be careful not to cut yourself because if you do, you may accidentally cut your finger off. If you cut your finger off, you will proceed to bleed all over the counter and of course onto your sandwich. You will then run out of the kitchen screaming in pain and be rushed to the emergency room. An oblivious sibling will then walk into the empty kitchen and see your incomplete sandwich. They would then mistaken your blood for ketchup and finish making the sandwich. When finished, they will happily eat the sandwich and unknowingly die slowly from blood poisoning. Everything will be your fault. So take caution.

Step 5:
Assembling.
Personally, I like to arrange my fixings in the order of the colours of the rainbow. Old folks like my Grandmother, like to layer the vegetables throughout the sandwich. However, the elderly are outdated and their sandwich making methods, along with their sweaters, are from the Sixties. We are now in the 21st century; an era of the double rainbow and hoodies. Follow my method; you don't want to be like my grandmother do you?

Step 6:
Eat!
Place your finished sandwich on a plate, cut it diagonally, and pour yourself a nice cold beverage. I like orange juice because it's my favourite.
Kick back and enjoy your sandwich!